How’re your nuts?
May 2, 2008 by frothingatlemouse
Dish, dudes and dudettes. What do you really think? Are your nuts uniformly and pleasantly rounded? Are they richly hued–golden brown blending into cream? Do they crisply snap as you try to gently urge their inner goodness into your trembling fingers?
Well, fab for you. Looks and touch aren’t everything, folks.
Mr. Froth brought home a bag of peanuts from his journeys to and from Houston/San Antonio/Austin. What a marvelous souvenir. Truly breathtaking in its grandeur. And the bag looked so good, glistening as it teased one with its contents hidden by cellophane. The nuts were plump and colorful and enticing.
Then, I cracked one open. First of all, the shell wasn’t salted, which ruins the whole experience. Sucking on the shell before chomping on the nuts is the best part. These were totally unsalted.
But that’s okay–perhaps the kernels themselves contained depths of nutty deliciousness unsurpassed in the annals of nuthood. Wonder how that would come up on a blog word search.
No. They did not contain depths of nutty deliciousness. They were big dry ovals of blah. Particle board peanuts. Lovely large juicy looking blobs of construction material.
Therefore, I ate not.
Beware false nuts.
Oh, bad nuts! I look and remember the company that puts out such trash.
Bad nuts, bad nuts, whacha gonna do when we come for you, bad nuts, bad nuts.
I search them out on the internet and post rude things like,
“Your nuts suck! And nobody wants to suck your nuts!”
Under one of my many pseudonyms, of course.
Just in case nutbashing makes me a terrorist or something.
I can’t believe you are such a…wait for it…nutcase! Yes!
I was so disappointed in these nuts. They sucked so bad. Like styrofoam packing peanuts, which I should have used as a description but obviously it didn’t come to me at the time.
Tomorrow we hike again. At a farther away place. The picture up there is Panther Creek, for which our neighborhood is named. No panthers seen. Unfortunately.
Oh “annals of nuthood.” Perhaps you meant “anals of nuthood.”
Nevermind. I crack myself up.
You nut! I thought about doing anals, but my ever so present sense of propriety took over.
I crack MYSELF up on that one. Hoo boy.
My left is bigger than the right. The right one floats though. I do encourage looking and touching and absulutely aprove of tasting, salt and pepper is free.
If you find more than two there must be some false ones involved.
Kernels?, what kernels?
Cracking the shell open?, are you an nutcase?
Keesie! Do yours have grooves and squinch up in the middle? Are they prepackaged?